stupid idiot moron

I haven't spoken to Nick at all since before our last court hearing on April 8 (other than directly about Nixon and only through text).  In an attempt to break my silence he texts on May 2, "I mean really why are we STILL fighting and why can't u & I work this shit out I love you & Nixon and don't wanna fight anymore." I did not respond.  May 5, "Y will u not talk to me."  May 7, "Just asking but I am going crazy here why are u being this way, I just don't want to fight anymore, Please can we just make up already, I love you."  On Mother's day, May 8, "Come over and talk to me, I thought you would always be there for me, Happy Mother's Day."  May 10, "Still don't know y u will not talk to me ... what did I do again, Kate? Really?" I did not respond to any of the texts, they were not about our son and I REFUSE to play into his shit.  I do cry and get emotional, but wouldn't dare let him know he has gotten to me, he doesn't deserve that kind of satisfaction.  If he honestly doesn't understand the damage he has done to me through filing to take my full custody away, or hiding his daughter and love affair with Crystal (his daughter's mother) and countless other secret affairs, for the verbal/mental/physical abuse he put me through because he had a guilty conscience over these things I was not aware he was keeping inside himself, for his selfishness, his priority being with drug use  and his BMW's, but not his family's well being, for making me take on all the responsibility for bills when he made more money than me and yelling at me when I would ask for him to pay half, for not taking the time to know anything about me during our 8 1/2 year relationship, for forcing me to take care of everything alone during the 6 months it took the courts to grant child support and ignoring me when I would ask for food or help with daycare expenses, for borrowing almost $1600 from me to fix his car, then making me get a court ordered judgement for the money he still has no intention of paying back to me.  For never once waking up with Nixon during infancy (and we both worked full time) yet he would wake up enough to tell me to "shut that baby up", for not changing diapers or feeding Nixon and using the excuse of being scared of hurting the baby.  For not having any compassion for me during my battle with postpartham depression.  For being selfish and cold when I found out about my sister's death, then trying to focus on our break up instead of holding me together during something bigger than our relationship issues, something detrimental to myself and my family.  For being thoughtless on holidays and birthdays.  For convincing himself that he treated me good and I did him wrong.  For painting a picture of me as a horrible person to his friends and family and refusing to build relationships with my friends and family.  For breaking my arm.  For controlling me and manipulating me to get everything he wanted or needed while I sacrificed myself, my happiness, and gave in to him in hopes that he would treat me better, love me more, change his hurtful ways.  To no avail.  Yet, he doesn't understand what went wrong??  Well, I don't care if he ever understands, I'm not breaking the silence.  Im moving forward and beyond the pain.  I hope that one day he gets it, for our son's sake.  My focus is on raising a great child to be an even better man and I'll do whatever it takes.
I'm sure years from now things will be different, I can only pray things change.